Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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