saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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