I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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