Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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