3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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