Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
