worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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