What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
