If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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