slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They are going to name an STD after you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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