Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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