Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
