Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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