I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
