Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
