i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize