Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum

  (212): View more from New York

  i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls

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  (212): her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum (212): i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls http://tfl.nu/3qj9
  Replies (8) Good night (912) Bad night (1440)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.

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  (248): If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would. http://tfl.nu/psvg
  Replies (5) Good night (505) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.

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  (206): he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff. http://tfl.nu/ss2c
  Replies (13) Good night (9294) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.

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  (732): Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home. http://tfl.nu/palx
  Replies (2) Good night (2933) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.

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  (214): I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all. http://tfl.nu/v9t7
  Replies (6) Good night (2948) Bad night (922)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.

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  (602): Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table. http://tfl.nu/8dv6
  Replies (7) Good night (4303) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?

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  (775): He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him? http://tfl.nu/kkqj
  Replies (19) Good night (702) Bad night (1747)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment

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  (316): At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment http://tfl.nu/s8j6
  Replies (4) Good night (1357) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.

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  (530): i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina. http://tfl.nu/en62
  Replies (8) Good night (1167) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow

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  (612): SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow http://tfl.nu/34f4
  Replies (3) Good night (992) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.

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  (248): For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance. http://tfl.nu/b72j
  Replies (5) Good night (789) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.

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  (615): Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly. http://tfl.nu/1cg3
  Replies (1) Good night (526) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED

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  (570): WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED http://tfl.nu/najp
  Replies (3) Good night (495) Bad night (249)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.

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  (801): They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple. http://tfl.nu/xf6o
  Replies (5) Good night (1104) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.

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  (256): My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted. http://tfl.nu/wkzb
  Replies (0) Good night (797) Bad night (203)

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