are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just pee around me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.