This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
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well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
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I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
