Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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