it wasn't lemon gatorade
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
