That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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