I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
