he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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