i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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