girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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