No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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