did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I need water and some morals
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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