Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
