Apparently you make a good broom.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
