Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
