I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
