Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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