Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
