I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
