you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
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what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.