I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's shark week go big or go home
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.