i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag