You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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