Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
