Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
