Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
