While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
