The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
