So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
this beer tastes like vomit already
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She needs sedatives and a leash
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
