Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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