Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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