I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
