she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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