It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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