He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?