i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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