have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do