I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him