I smell stomach acid.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You left your phone here
Wait...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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