I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize