we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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