pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
