he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I intend to get homeless drunk
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
