It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
