You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
