Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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