I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
