like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
