Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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