i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
