I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
