she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
