just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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