I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
