Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
A bitchslap is in order.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
