i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
