my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
