I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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