All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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