I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
