I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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