Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
