bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
