Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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