he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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