im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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